Bringing consciousness to the erotic is a delicious and meaningful way to embody your humanity and awaken your divinity.
The taboo is taboo because it’s so powerful.
There is a portal of magic between your legs, yet that’s not what most of us were conditioned to believe. We are born into a collective agreement field of obedience and repression that creates the illusion we live in. Some listen to the call to go off the beaten path on an exhilarating discovery of the truth, which leads them to this temple.
Every woman I’ve welcomed through the door of this temple is a thread that weaves together a great tapestry of the feminine.
This is a piece of my thread.
I was 19, sitting at a train station with three suitcases, and I almost abandoned my plan to move from Montana to California because I was terrified to leave the comfort of the small town mindset I had grown up in.
As I was drowning in my doubt, the Goddess erupted like a volcano, her presence flooding my whole body as she whispered, “You know you have to go.” Her words woke me up for a moment – I saw through the matrix – I realized I had been living a life that was not my own. I’d been operating from a script I didn’t write in a movie I no longer wanted to be in.
I had been living on auto-pilot, asleep at the wheel. It was time for that to change.
The more I left the old story behind, the more pleasure, freedom and amazement I felt. It was like meeting myself outside of who they thought I should be for the first time.
I took the fast track to sexual liberation. I went allllll the way. Next thing I knew, I was sitting on a red velvet couch in sexy lingerie surrounded by champagne and billionaires. Perhaps once again the Goddess paid me a visit. I'll never know what inspired the epiphany in that moment, but nonetheless I realized...I was in another dream. Still a slave, but to the opposite end of the matrix.
As a top 1% earner in Vegas at the biggest gentlemen’s club in North America I had officially reached the top of the bottom. Something in me had to journey all the way from small town Montana directly into the hedonistic underbelly of sexuality in our culture. I swung from strict obedience and repression to empty-feeling performance, over-indulgence and dissociated party culture. Having earned a masters degree in wielding feminine power and erotic energy, it was time to graduate. I shattered into another dimension of lucidity: it was time to release this story, and step out of yet another paradigm.
This was the initiation into mature adulthood, beginning with the chapter of my life I named, “the dark night — or years — of the soul”. I followed the call to excavate and integrate my deepest, ugliest shadows. Through unraveling my patterns of manipulation, validation-seeking and pimping out my feminine energy, I was able to experience the power and innocence of erotic energy – free of distortion.
This is the shit nobody talks about. This is the unglamorous crucible that everyone forgets to mention in commercialized Goddess culture or analytical academia research. Going through this chapter was a death of the ego and a rebirth into something so unrecognizable, yet so authentically me, that I was surprised to find myself even more fully alive on the other side of the experience.
As I was going through this awakening of the sacred erotic feminine, I received a once in a lifetime opportunity to enter 7 years of unconventional experiential intentisve study and practice with a mentor which would change everything.
Some of what we covered was Jungian shadow work, somatic and transpersonal psychology, embodying the quantum field and working with Hermetic principles of magic, and mystery school lineages. It’s the kind of multi-dimensional, edge pushing, initiatory work I could not have received from a traditional university.
One day in this intensive dojo in a somatic embodiment practice, the energy flipped on in the woman I was working with, her face flushed and she said she felt somehow more deeply connected to sexuality and sexuality. My mentor commented that he had been noticing this was a gift. In the exercises we would do, other women’s essence and sensuality would turn on in connection with me. I had met so much of the full spectrum of sexual repression and shadow that I had become the space of permission. It was so natural I didn’t realize I was doing anything. I felt like I was fulfilling my design.
Already fascinated by sacred sexuality as a means to awaken and free ourselves, I started working with couples and individuals in the field. I devoted the next decade to training in erotic temple arts lineages, Tantra, Taoist philosophy, Neuroscience and sensual embodiment, while continuing to synthesize that with what I was already studying, but none of that compares to the gift that is my essence: I see you. I know you. You have permission. All of you is welcome. I can say this because all of me is welcome.